BLM gets it’s BIGGEST BOOST from White side!

Human lives are at risk and will it take another species to make us stop and realise we are our own enemies?

Persecuted Christians and missionaries urged to buy Iron Man suits

CHARM CITY GUANTANAMO – A set of customized Iron man like suits have been issued for sale to Christians in persecuted countries. Another bunch has been commissioned to be used by missionaries.

This has come against a tide of recent onslaught of bitter persecution to Christians especially in Western Africa, Middle East and Korean peninsula. The gifts were received with much appreciation.

“Now we are completely protected. I tried on a suit and walked into a barrage of bullets and didn’t even flinch,” reported an excited pastor whose church building was burned down the week before. “Surely, now I know I can put my faith in the arm of flesh! In fact it’s so safe that I already stopped praying to God to protect us after getting my kit!”

Youth pastor apologizes for using Darth Vader mask to get children to say ‘sinner’s prayer’

PARIS- A youth pastor was quite remorseful this Sunday after one of his means and methods of getting children saved came under scrutiny. Four weeks ago the creative pastor was concerned that the children in his class were not interested in the things of God.

“It’s just like these kids are dead in sin. We have tried all games on Sundays, pizza parties, paintball games and even bought computer games for them to play during Sunday school but none of them is interested in Christian things,” said Jean Claude. ” So I decided I will make them get saved by my purpose driven means and methods.”

Visiting Calvinist pastor smoked out of mega church

CHARM CITY, Texas – This Sunday was rather unusual in a mega church that is known to attract celebrities and high flying personalities. The pastor of the church decided to invite an old school friend whom he hadn’t seen for a while to preach in his pulpit.

“I didn’t know the guy was a Calvinist. I swear I would not have invited him if I knew this would happen!” lamented the pastor.

Apparently the visiting pastor began to preach on man’s total depravity and on “sin and unrighteousness”, he even asked the congregation to repent so as to flee the wrath to come. The sermon however did not go down well with the usually fun loving laid back congregation. A section of the congregation stood up and in one accord revolted against the visitor.

Pastor Wolfe rejected by English speaking church “because of his name”.

COPENHAGEN – An English speaking congregation rejected it’s long awaited pastor just because of his name. The congregation which had been praying for a pastor for the last two years made the rather interesting decision after a cheeky church member noted the rather interesting coincidence.

Church buys drone to search for ‘church dodgers’

TEXAS- A mega church has turned the tables on church dodgers in a move that is going to raise a few eyebrows. The popular church has purchased a state of the art next generation drone. The computer controlled drone is said to be equipped with facial recognition soft ware and GPS grid mapping with an accuracy up to two inches.

“Umm, we prefer to be called a purpose driven church! You see we just realised that as a mega church we were having many people coming on Sundays but we had no way of differentiating between visitors and members,” explained Thomas Copelin the lead pastor.

“We move with the times but realised we couldn’t follow up all our attenders. That’s a thing of the past now as we are in the process of incorporating a software that will fine church dodgers automatically if the drone maps them out of the church premises on Sundays,” added the innovative pastor, “this initiative may be controversial but it will definitely keep our numbers up.”

Pastor names and shames “those non tithers” in his congregation

In a bid to bring all robbers and non tithers to toe the line a certain congregation got it right between the eyes from their pastor. He built a special board of shame…

I wish this was fiction! Another case of pastors gone wild!

Man told to ride two bulls for failing to pay tithe

CHARM CITY – A church member who missed paying his tithe for the first time in five years was disciplined by his pastor by asking him to ride two bulls through a ten mile stretch on the banks of local river. The incident occurred last month when Pocoyo’s only five year old daughter fell sick and the fisherman had to use his meager earnings to cover health expenses.

“I have to pay for my sins,” said Pocoyo. “I was told I had robbed God of his money and didn’t have enough faith. That’s why all these things are happening to me. But I hope after riding those bulls through the river I will have atoned for my sins.”

Unfortunately it was reported that the senior pastor had not witnessed Pocoyo’s endurance race the first time and he will have to ride the two bulls again this weekend. The pious man is still keen to make amends and to “increase his faith” has in fact paid up his tithe for the next month in advance.

Popular standup comedian wins open mic competition and gets tipped to become pastor

DJIBOUTI – A popular comedian who won the city’s biggest talent search competition has been lined up to become pastor of one of the largest churches in town.

Kazinda who was given different topics to talk about had every one in stitches. Even camera men were doubled over in laughter as he took no prisoners.

“I have got a decision to make seeing that I have three big churches who want me to be their pastor,” said a jovial Kazinda. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Which ever church pays more will have me in their pulpit by Sunday.”

A weasel at weaving words and smooth with poetry the young man charmed his audience when given a microphone.

“I hope he comes to our church!” said an excited deacon.

Youth Pastor finally gets the anointing and brings Twitter to a stand still…

LAIGOS – A youth pastor who has always hunted for the anointing finally managed to find it after attending a break dance audition show. In typical fashion the youth took his photo and tweeted it out to mark the momentous occasion.

In other news…

News Anchor weeps on live TV after hearing Evolution’s missing link may never be found.

CHARM CITY, Durban – Today it was  falsely rumored that paleontologists may have finally found ‘the missing link’. The ever elusive “missing link” is said to be the gap in the fossil record purported to be from a transitional life form between any animal and its supposed evolutionary ancestor.

“Have we finally found any missing link? Have we?” asked the initially excited and curious news anchor.

Church introduces obstacle challenge for late comers.

LA- Churchville: Do you have habitual late comers in your church? Yup, I knew you would be curious to read this far.

A village church is said to have improved it’s early attendance by 200% and has actually maintained it for over seven years in a row after introducing a unique one day challenge for serial late comers.

“I’ve never been late! Ever since 1962-the year the good Lord let a man walk on the moon -that was when I was sent for the early rising pioneer training,” said Mr Barebones who used to be a habitual late riser and was the first trainee.

It’s said the training routine could be exported to churches in New York, London and beyond (plus even Moscow) after the success stories of this little known ingenious training course.

Watch out -it could be coming to a place near you!

Or could it?

Chaos ensues as church member names and claims prosperity pastor’s mansion

FLORIDA – A rift has developed in a church after a prosperity pastor preached a radical message that ended up backfiring on him. The motivational speaker who believes that people can name and claim their blessings was irked when a church member was found marching round his mansion praying over it and “claiming it in the name of Jesus”.

“Surely I felt God was telling me that this is my mansion. It has my destiny written on it!” explained the church member when security was called.

Dog preaches to Atheist in rare theological chat.

CHARM CITY Sheffield – A man who has always denied the existence of God and the after life suddenly realised his folly on Wednesday evening when his door key accidentally flew over fence and landed in an empty bowl. But this was no ordinary bowl -it belonged to Luther, the neighbour’s ever grumpy and angry muscle ripped hound.

Just as the hapless man was about to lean over the fence to scoop out his keys, his eyes met with something. There were two glistening beady eyes peering over a notice he had always ignored.

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH? JUMP THIS FENCE AND FIND OUT!!

More so the athletic canine seemed to have broken his leash!

 

Related articles:

• New fashion trend grips celebrity pastors.
• Misaligned man hole cover blamed for cancellation of Sunday church service
• First edition of Christian celebrity and gossip tabloid magazine sells out on day of release!

Man sues pastor for promising ‘life will be better’ after saying sinner’s prayer

Tokyo – A man has sued his pastor after realizing that actually life has become worse after saying the sinner’s prayer. Zhang who has been attending a new church in town for the last eight months was promised a better life. However his excitement has been short lived.

“I was told God has a wonderful plan for my life and if I said a simple prayer things would get better. I repeated the words after the pastor and then I went back home. My friends left me, my fellow gang bangers have abandoned me. Surely ….” sighed the irate man.

The church located in the center of one of the most metropolitan areas of the city, has a giant neon billboard that proclaims ‘Come to Jesus and have your debts cancelled, Job promotions, success in life and a happy family life’.

“I thought by now I would be driving a Lexus like the pastor but up to now I am still  walking on foot. My friends even call me Footsy-bishi!” lamented Zhang.

Island of Vanuatu sends missionaries and church planters to New York

VANUATU, South Pacific Ocean – A deeply concerned pastor on the small South Pacific island nation of Vanuatu has put together a band of missionaries and church planters to spread the gospel to America.

Pastor Lolu says he was troubled when he heard that in America there are churches where people gather in great numbers but the name of Jesus is not mentioned.

“I think some one has sown a different gospel in this land far far away,” lamented the pastor, “we will begin our journey by boat and it may take us a couple of months in the rough waters.”

The man of God was troubled when he heard from a tourist who also called himself a “Christian” that sometimes they have services where they don’t mention the name of Jesus or even read from the Bible. This may offend and upset some new comers he explained.

Jehovah’s witnesses paratroop into gated community to hand out Watch Tower mags

HAMBURG, Germany – A secluded and gated community was rudely awakened this Saturday as a group of Jehovah’s Witnesses made a surprise visit. Well not to be deterred by the high gates and barbed wire fences the visitors armed with Watch Tower magazines took to the air and literally rained down.

Australian pastor preaches from Quran in rare mixup

CANBERRA, Australia – Life Valley church was treated to a message from a different text last Sunday but no one noticed. Wayne Riggs the pastor of the local church apologised in the mid week meeting explaining that he had accidentally misplaced his Bible on the local bus and picked up another commuter’s book thought to be a Quran.

Not realising the difference since the two books looked alike while he was running late he had hastily proceeded to church and even preached a rather lengthy sermon. The gaffe was only realised when Pastor Riggs’ teenage daughter was tiding up the next day and saw a book with a strange name on it.

Osteen to start new sermon series on Sin and Holiness.

NASHVILLE , Tennessee – Pastor Osteen has made an announcement that has shocked his congregation. Pinning up an impromptu notice amidst tears he explained that he has realised how prosperity gospel has wrecked many souls and confessed that it is not even the gospel. He further explained that he was going to focus more on repentance beginning this week. This news is indeed likely to have epic ramifications.

The man of God was seen preparing for a mid week Bible study with a real Bible tucked under his arm and a couple of Bible commentaries in Greek and Hebrew. Close friends say he has recently been reading old classics by the Puritans and has been spending nights awake scouring over Reformation History.

Cardinal: Oops…Somebody shrunk the Pope?

CHARM CITY, Central – In his first visit to the city something happened to the Pope as the plane flew over Bermuda Triangle. The Vatican is tight lipped about the strange phenomenon however from photos leaked to a few unreliable online outlets Catholics may soon be asking, where did the mass go?

Related articles:

• Attending a snake handling service
• New fashion trend grips celebrity pastors.
• Come to our church this Sunday and watch World Cup in 3D while listening to the sermon
• Church cancels Sunday service so as to watch game of Curling

Pastor sells Church organ and buys himself Formula One car- because God told him to do so.

CHARM CITY, East – This Sunday a few church members entered into their church premise with raised eye brows as they saw a new FORMULA ONE car parked in the church car park.

They soon got an answer when the church service started and their pastor gave them the simple explanation they were all waiting for.

“God told me that he wants me to be rich. He wanted me to start by making  positive confessions,” said the man of God. “So, since I have always liked high powered racing cars that I see on television so I ran and laid my hands on this Formula one car and claimed it. Uh, I intend to use it for the ministry of course .”

“I didn’t have the money to place a deposit but I didn’t have to worry – God told me to quickly sell the church organ.

90 year old “friendship evangelist” finally gets to share gospel with best friend on death bed

ALBERTA, Canada – A World War II veteran finally got to preach the gospel to a long time friend of his this week. Douglas Keenan, a 90 year old Christian, said he was over joyed to finally share the gospel with his long time friend and fellow veteran Jim Slecker.

” I do ‘friendship evangelism,'” explained Douglas, “which means you first become good friends with some one before you give them the gospel.”

Douglas and Jim have been just like two peas in a pod till Douglas recently was taken ill and admitted to hospital. Seeing that he was getting frailer as the days went by he had finally called Jim to his side.

Burritos man who claims he went to heaven confesses he was ‘economical with the truth’

CHARM CITY, Los Bronchos – A man who has recently amassed a rather large group of followers has come to admit that his recent trip to ‘heaven’ may have been made up and he was economical with the truth.

“Yeah, I thought I had a vision but it’s all fuzzy now,” said Raul, a smooth talking middle aged man. ” I went to this taco restaurant and ate this huge burrito with chilli and started seeing things!”

“I saw myself being sucked out of the room as I slumped back in the chair in a Mexican restaurant. I woke up standing next to a blonde haired angel who then introduced me to a muscle ripped man who said he was Abraham. Wow! He had a six pack!”

Returning Brazilian church member made to pay up ten years of back dated tithes

SAO PAULO, Brazil – A Brazilian soccer player returning from Scotland after spending over ten years away from his church was irked to receive an letter from his local church demanding he pays up his tithes. Well not only his tithe for the month but back dated ones for the last ten years! Keffa Dolarinho is a member of the Universal Church of the Apostles of God that discovered a little known verse in the New Testament that commands Christians to obey God by tithing (and back dated tithing).

The agony of letting some one download a kindle puritan book for you.

Father: Hey, could you get me that book by Jo…

Son: Yes, dad it’s all sorted. I downloaded all his books for you on your kindle. I even had to get extra space.

Father: Wait a minute. (Now smiling) You mean you got the full rare works of the puritan John Flavel for me?

Son: Er…. I thought you meant Joel Ost…

Father: Joel who?

Famous Televangelist appeals for funds so as to go on Space tour.

CHARM CITY, North – With the race to launch a new space tourism program around the corner, there has been a new development. Pastor Pete K. Pollypot a famous televangelist with a major Christian network has made heart felt plea on live television appealing for funds to go on the maiden luxurious space tour. The renowned man of God challenged viewers that it was time the world saw what Christians can do with their money.

‘Church for the Unchurched’ finally decides after 3 gruelling days on who is more important – Pastor or Amp machine?

CHARM CITY – After three difficult days of intense debate and theological martial arts the new  ‘Church for the Unchurched’ has finally settled its first conundrum by having to let go of their founder and pastor.

A statement was released through twitter to great applause and re tweets (not to mention multiple hash tags) by the deacons of the predominantly fun loving congregation. Apparently the recent debate came about because the cost of running and amplifying the heavy duty hi-fi turbo bass equipment came to around the same cost as maintaining a pastor.

Televangelist faith healer visits Intensive Care Unit and heals all patients

Empty Hospital Wards

KAPETOWN – A televangelist called Benni Timm is said to have put doctors on forced leave after emptying a hospital ward. The man of God strolled into the city’s main referral hospital’s Intensive Care Unit and just spoke one word and the patients rose out of their beds.

“I always used to ask where are faith healers when you need them,” said the head nurse. “This time I was coming to the end of my night shift and in walked this guy. He just walked in and picked up the announcement microphone and said, ‘Patients, pick up your beds and walk!'”

Is that a SWAT Team? No, It’s just our Praise band team gearing up for Worship!

CHARM CITY – A young man attending an inner city church service on Sunday for the first time was thrown into a panic attack when he inadvertently sat in the front row. There was a loud bang as laser lights flashed and zigzagged across the faces of the audience.  An eerie blue smoke screen wafted across the floor from under the front row seats to reveal a dozen shadowy figures crawling and somersaulting in from behind the side doors…

“Uh, are we under attack? Is that a SWAT team or NAVY SEAL team?” exclaimed the petrified teenager to his neighbour.

“No, dude where have you been? That is our contemporary praise band just warming us up for worship!”

Attending a snake handling service

Church fires worship leader for not choosing any danceable worship hymn

CHARM CITY- A church had to make a drastic decision this week and let go of it’s worship leader after realising a shift in his selection of Sunday service hymns.

“It was just unacceptable! Can you believe there was no danceable song?” exclaimed the lead pastor. “Most of the young people were wondering where our usual entertainment crew had gone. I just had to draw a line under this gaffe.”

The culprit seems to have been a young man called Jeremy.

When approached by The Floating Axehead Jeremy was rather surprised with the decision.

“The previous week we had a worship song that said ‘Let’s go’ seventeen times and at the end of the chorus I just had to shout ‘Glory!’ This week I thought I would bring in a few reverential traditional hymns,” explained the lad.

There was a time when the Church was not ashamed of the gospel.

The church where no one (not even the pastor) bothers to remember the sermon

SEOUL, South Korea – This month marked a special occasion for two Christan brothers. Kim and Jong are two brothers in their late twenties who got to meet once again at a family reunion after being separated for the last fifteen years.

Kim lives in North Korea; a place where Christians are persecuted and being found with a Bible could cause you to be taken to a concentration camp. Jong on the other hand lives in Seoul, the largest urban metropolis of South Korea.

On Sunday as the two brothers prepared to go to church, Kim recounted how they usually have to memorise whole pages of torn and worn-out Bible texts that have been handed down from house to house and hand to hand.

“I still don’t own a full Bible but have a page from the book Romans,” quipped Kim as they finally reached Jong’s church.

The first scene of the church service took the visitor completely by surprise.

Pastor cancels sermon so that youths can testify about getting ‘Grand Theft Auto’ video games.

LIVERPOOL, England – The members of Laodicea Baptist Church were treated to an extra ordinary church service this week. Some had come expecting to hear the word of God preached as is always done on Sundays but it was not to be. The new pastor said it had been a week of great happenings and called on young people to come forward to give testimonies.

Six hours later there was still a long queue. Bleary eyed young men were walking forward to testify of having managed to get a copy of the latest addictive video game – Grand Theft Auto!

Strange fire: Man claims his cat can now ‘laugh in the spirit’!

TEXXAS: A man left his television on and drifted off to sleep while watching a religious broadcast however when he woke up he realized strange happenings in his living room. It is said the man was watching a show where a preacher and congregation were rolling on the floor when sleep caught up with him.

“I think my cat tapped the anointing from the television,” reports the man, “Look! It keeps rolling on the floor and laughing. Glory!”

The Floating Axehead still cannot verify these odd and bizarre encounters but advise caution to all pet owners.

Sit down strike by Worship leader paralyses NYC Church

CHARM CITY, New Old York – An inner city church found itself at a stand still when it’s worship leader went on a sit down strike. The congregation that relies heavily on laser lights, smoke screens and high octane music could not start the Sunday service as no one in the congregation knew any alternative hymns.

“I kind of usually rely on the worship leader to put us in the mood. Every one was ready this morning. I had just picked up my Starbucks coffee from the lounge and was coming to get seated when my music producer spoke in my ear piece and said there will be no show,” said Tim Higgins the distraught pastor of the congregation.

African Pastor trying to imitate (Zip Lining Church Entrance) breaks leg.

LUSAKA, Zambia – An African pastor of Acquire the Fire and Rain Church of God who was trying to increase his popularity by proving he is relevant ended up getting a ride to the local hospital.  Pastor Odulu says he had watched an American televangelist successfully ride a zip line to the pulpit in a Youtube clip the night before. Waking up early that morning he says he left his bible at home and rushed to set up a make shift zip line connecting the Sunday school section to the main church pulpit. His main mistake he thinks was that he had under estimated how much agility it would require to remain airbourne.

Las Vegas teen irked by dad’s new gift of prophecy

Man who claimed even God cannot stop him – now missing.

CHARM VILLAGE, Serengeyo – A man who claimed he can do whatever he wants and no body can stop him drove off into the African countryside. His tweets got more arrogant and flamboyant as he even called on God to try taking on him.

This morning fans from all over the world are concerned as they haven’t heard from him ever since he sent his last selfie- when he was driving through one of the national game parks usually filled with hungry wild cheetahs and carnivorous vultures.

Church vacancy: Chief Armor Bearer wanted!

WARSAW, Poland – After returning from his week long visit across the pacific Pastor Valterovich returned to his church in Poland with  some novel ideas. Seeing that most American pastors now have a new biblical office -the pastor’s ‘chief armor bearer’ he put out an advert.

WANTED: Pastor’s Chief Armor bearer

• Should be atleast six feet tall. Have a chest as wide as a wardrobe.

• Should have experience in using earpieces and tasers.

• Should be able to carry pastor’s iPad, laptop, Bible and anointed handkerchief to the pulpit.

Award winner says Christian Hit is not a Worship song but for his girl friend

LOS ANGELES, California – A song that has made it to the top of Contemporary Christian Music charts has suddenly been dropped after the main soloist announced that it wasn’t a worship song.

D.J Trickstar the composer and singer of the song ‘I give my heart to you’ received nominations for best Gospel artist, Worship Song of the year and Inspirational Song of the year awards.

“Well I am not even a Christian. I am surprised my song has received such diverse support. I am just a simple Bhuddist who loves his girl friend so I wrote this song for her,” explained the popular D.J.

When your pastor cancels church because of Super Bowl or Wrestlemania.

That look…

Yup, I am practicing a look. You see it comes to that time every so often when Wrestlemania, World Cup or Super Bowl comes around on a Sunday and some pastors are torn between the glamour and allure of “Sportendom” and well… God. Needless to say these are very trying times for many half committed hirelings. Seriously! Saturday night comes and they are in major panic mode and cruising to hash tag system overload. Do they call people to worship the next day or do they look for a loop hole and use a politically correct or socially acceptable term and cancel church service all together?

Indeed the excuses over the years have been many ranging from we want to be “moving with the times”, “be more relevant”.  Of course if you have a mega church with half committed folk you wouldn’t want to upset some of those Wrestlemania fans who feel it’s actually a lot better being some where else on the Lord’s day or the football lovers who never walk with a Bible to church but feel they have a sense of spiritual urgency to kick back. So, many indeed were the first to ask a few years back – that what’s wrong when…..

… megachurches like NewSpring in South Carolina,  [canceled] or moved their worship services to allow families to watch the Super Bowl on Sunday. The churches say this is neither worldly nor sinful.

“We’re moving service times for the Big Game,” reads a bold message on the NewSpring Church website.

“We know the game is important so we’re moving the service times to better fit your schedule,” says the megachurch,

Radical IS fighter recites wrong New Year’s prayer?

A radical who belongs to the little known group called the Italics Spate (not to be confused with any other group) recited a very thought provoking prayer while reading from a teleprompter just before he drew out his sword to destroy his enemies. However after a sobering rethink his hearers realised he had been reading from the “wrong script”.
It read:

Lord God Almighty, our Creator,
As we gather in your presence
We celebrate our existence,
We rejoice to be alive.
Teach us to understand more and more profoundly
That every human life is sacred,

Missionaries to India must practice the nod. But which one?

If you plan to go as a missionary you must get this nod!

Ah now I get it….and I am loving it!

 

Man makes a fortune selling ‘End Time’ biscuits and gravy

NORTHERN, City – A man has become an instant millionaire after devising a marketing scheme that has appealed to several churches in the City.

Novastovsky is selling biscuits and gravy. Well you see, he says these are just not any type of food.

“I realised people are intrigued about the end times so I decided to sell something that they would like to hear about. I give them what they want to hear or to eat.” He explained.

“I tell them that at the end of the world if there is no food available, or if they feel they have been left behind, just one bite of my biscuit dipped in my gravy can keep you going for 40 days!”

The most awesomest father’s day bucketlist….Ahem!

Dear kids, umm as father’s day is finally upon us…umm…if this modest request can humbly grace thy busy minds even for a second, would you ….ahem…..kindly consider this uh… thy dad’s request ….to endear me….um..perchance a moment…Okay let me get this off my chest….I need to ride THIS BAT MOBILE !!!!!!

Come on when else can I stop traffic like this?!  🙂

Related stories:

• Cardinal: Oops…Somebody shrunk the Pope?
• New fashion trend grips celebrity pastors.
• Two prosperity preachers walk into a church…

Celebrity Pastor ends sermon by dropping mic (Obama style)

Kimbelembele – A visiting celebrity pastor to a village church in Africa ended his Sunday sermon in an unorthodox way  this week leaving the local congregation wide eyed, bewildered with a squealing high pitched screech in their ears and a broken microphone scattered in seven different directions.

Pastor Pokoyo had just finished making his final remarks when he lifted his mic and dropped it saying, “Yo! Check this out!”

It’s not known if he did this to copy an going trend among gangster rap artists, naughty  DJs and of late (ofcourse) somebody within the White House.

For the record, the pastor didn’t get an ‘Amen’.

Pastor gets locked out after preaching from Obadiah

Memphis, NYK – A local pastor found himself locked out of the church building after preaching from a book in the Bible.

“It was actually from Obadiah,” lamented a young front pew congregant, “I searched for the book for two hours and couldn’t find it. I think he just tricked us and that book doesn’t exist in the Bible.”

“This pastor has lost his way now. For how long can we stand this? I am so distressed I’ve got to see a therapist tomorrow”

Lady finally wins position for celebrity mega church super-usher.

Newalk,JY -After a seven year search the city’s largest mega church has finally got the one ultimate usher that they have been looking for. Crowd control is no longer going to be an issue -needless to say from now on, unruly congregants who run out of synche to get autographs from celebrity pastors will be in for a big shock…and a super kick to boot 🙂

Related stories

• Pastor gets locked out after preaching from Obadiah
• Attending a snake handling service
• Fun loving pastor parties in wrong ‘rainbow parade’ in rare mixup

City church installs free wifi and fills up to capacity

Newyark, MS – A church has seen its numbers rocket through the roof after installing 24 hours free super fast wifi.

Speaking to reporters the pastor said he hadn’t anticipated such a surge in numbers.

“We were targeting young people so we decided to use free wifi to draw them out of their houses. We have 24 hours wifi with super fast internet access. We promise them that they can surf during the service and in the church premises at any time of the week.”

Since the free wifi was launched the church has had to start renting the whole street block. Plans are underway to set up a mega church facility able to house 20,000 people with pets facilities, games complex and holiday resort.

“We initially took over the nearby cafe and restaurant, but now we plan to extend this franchise around the country. With time we may just stop calling ourselves a church and just be a social club with good intentions for a greener earth.”

Well why not?

Just watch this space.

Related stories:

• Church hires church growth guru and gets MASSIVE results but all backslide the next Sunday!!!
• Pastor sends church late comers to extreme boot camp to improve time keeping!
• Noah 2: Methuselah survives flood and kills Noah![movie]