Burritos man who claims he went to heaven confesses he was ‘economical with the truth’

Posted: February 11, 2017 in News, Satire
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CHARM CITY, Los Bronchos – A man who has recently amassed a rather large group of followers has come to admit that his recent trip to ‘heaven’ may have been made up and he was economical with the truth.

“Yeah, I thought I had a vision but it’s all fuzzy now,” said Raul, a smooth talking middle aged man. ” I went to this taco restaurant and ate this huge burrito with chilli and started seeing things!”

“I saw myself being sucked out of the room as I slumped back in the chair in a Mexican restaurant. I woke up standing next to a blonde haired angel who then introduced me to a muscle ripped man who said he was Abraham. Wow! He had a six pack!”

Raul who has based his ministry on a single ‘vision’ says he was surprised many of his followers were people from local churches. They have been just too eager to listen and support his ministry which surprised him so he told them stories of whatever their ears wanted to hear. He usually charges for his stories on heaven. Raul’s devote followers have chosen to abandon their bibles and sit at his feet all day long in a bid to catch the latest revelations from ‘heaven.’

Speaking from his mansion, the exciting stories have ranged from watching angels in lucha libre wrestling matches in heaven, X-factor like singing competitions and eat till you drop contests that amuse the heavenly patrons.

 

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But the man of God has finally confessed saying his visions may have been due to his chilli filled burrito.

“I’d give another dollar for another burrito but I must cut down and watch my waist line. I have been making up most of my stories to keep the crowds going. I fear I may lose that now,” confessed the tearful lanky man.

Despite his confessions his followers have remained faithful to Raul and due to public demand they have requested him to tell them what God looks like on this website this Sunday. Do you want to know what God looks like?

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