Posts Tagged ‘Pastor’

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DJIBOUTI – A popular comedian who won the city’s biggest talent search competition has been lined up to become pastor of one of the largest churches in town.

Kazinda who was given different topics to talk about had every one in stitches. Even camera men were doubled over in laughter as he took no prisoners.

“I have got a decision to make seeing that I have three big churches who want me to be their pastor,” said a jovial Kazinda. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Which ever church pays more will have me in their pulpit by Sunday.”

A weasel at weaving words and smooth with poetry the young man charmed his audience when given a microphone.

“I hope he comes to our church!” said an excited deacon.

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churchesCOPENHAGEN – An English speaking congregation rejected it’s long awaited pastor just because of his name. The congregation which had been praying for a pastor for the last two years made the rather interesting decision after a cheeky church member noted the rather interesting coincidence.

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mixing in churchCHARM CITY – After three difficult days of intense debate and theological martial arts the new  ‘Church for the Unchurched’ has finally settled its first conundrum by having to let go of their founder and pastor.

A statement was released through twitter to great applause and re tweets (not to mention multiple hash tags) by the deacons of the predominantly fun loving congregation. Apparently the recent debate came about because the cost of running and amplifying the heavy duty hi-fi turbo bass equipment came to around the same cost as maintaining a pastor.

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ZIP lining in churchLUSAKA, Zambia – An African pastor of Acquire the Fire and Rain Church of God who was trying to increase his popularity by proving he is relevant ended up getting a ride to the local hospital.  Pastor Odulu says he had watched an American televangelist successfully ride a zip line to the pulpit in a Youtube clip the night before. Waking up early that morning he says he left his bible at home and rushed to set up a make shift zip line connecting the Sunday school section to the main church pulpit. His main mistake he thinks was that he had under estimated how much agility it would require to remain airbourne.

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WARSAW, Poland – After returning from his week long visit across the pacific Pastor Valterovich returned to his church in Poland with  some novel ideas. Seeing that most American pastors now have a new biblical office -the pastor’s ‘chief armor bearer’ he put out an advert.

Guard-with-ear-pieceWANTED: Pastor’s Chief Armor bearer

  • Should be atleast six feet tall. Have a chest as wide as a wardrobe.
  • Should have experience in using earpieces and tasers.
  • Should be able to carry pastor’s iPad, laptop, Bible and anointed handkerchief to the pulpit.

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Kimbelembele – A visiting celebrity pastor to a village church in Africa ended his Sunday sermon in an unorthodox way  this week leaving the local congregation wide eyed, bewildered with a squealing high pitched screech in their ears and a broken microphone scattered in seven different directions.

Pastor Pokoyo had just finished making his final remarks when he lifted his mic and dropped it saying, “Yo! Check this out!”

It’s not known if he did this to copy an going trend among gangster rap artists, naughty  DJs and of late (ofcourse) somebody within the White House.

For the record, the pastor didn’t get an ‘Amen’. …Read More!

rockstarCHARM CITY  – In a bid to start a new reality show, a television station recently asked church goers for views and opinions on what they would like to watch. The trendy churches that always have a pulse on latest culture trends and fads decided that they would like to get a show that follows the smartest dressed, richest and most suave pastors.

A number of pastors immediately threw their hats into the ring. Egged on by excited church members the list of participants grew longer than the producers had anticipated.

“I think I have more celebrities coming to my church than any one in this city,” boasted one pastor with a spiky pink and green haircut known for his rock concert like  church services.

“I am the only one who was invited to Hollywood’s red carpet this year,” added a lady pastor, “and in fairness to gender equality I am the one!”

Another pastor with well ripped muscles and tight fitting vest reminded them all of how organic and green his church was, “y’all don’t recycle!”

On and on the pastors tried to prove who was better, smarter and more cool than the rest.

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