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DJIBOUTI – A popular comedian who won the city’s biggest talent search competition has been lined up to become pastor of one of the largest churches in town.

Kazinda who was given different topics to talk about had every one in stitches. Even camera men were doubled over in laughter as he took no prisoners.

“I have got a decision to make seeing that I have three big churches who want me to be their pastor,” said a jovial Kazinda. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Which ever church pays more will have me in their pulpit by Sunday.”

A weasel at weaving words and smooth with poetry the young man charmed his audience when given a microphone.

“I hope he comes to our church!” said an excited deacon.

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anointedLAIGOS – A youth pastor who has always hunted for the anointing finally managed to find it after attending a break dance audition show. In typical fashion the youth took his photo and tweeted it out to mark the momentous occasion.

In other news…

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CHARM CITY, Durban – Today it was  falsely rumored that paleontologists may have finally found ‘the missing link’. The ever elusive “missing link” is said to be the gap in the fossil record purported to be from a transitional life form between any animal and its supposed evolutionary ancestor.

“Have we finally found any missing link? Have we?” asked the initially excited and curious news anchor.

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LA- Churchville: Do you have habitual late comers in your church? Yup, I knew you would be curious to read this far.

A village church is said to have improved it’s early attendance by 200% and has actually maintained it for over seven years in a row after introducing a unique one day challenge for serial late comers.

“I’ve never been late! Ever since 1962-the year the good Lord let a man walk on the moon -that was when I was sent for the early rising pioneer training,” said Mr Barebones who used to be a habitual late riser and was the first trainee.

It’s said the training routine could be exported to churches in New York, London and beyond (plus even Moscow) after the success stories of this little known ingenious training course.

Watch out -it could be coming to a place near you!

Or could it?

beach-mansionsFLORIDA – A rift has developed in a church after a prosperity pastor preached a radical message that ended up backfiring on him. The motivational speaker who believes that people can name and claim their blessings was irked when a church member was found marching round his mansion praying over it and “claiming it in the name of Jesus”.

“Surely I felt God was telling me that this is my mansion. It has my destiny written on it!” explained the church member when security was called.

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dogs-and-theologyCHARM CITY Sheffield – A man who has always denied the existence of God and the after life suddenly realised his folly on Wednesday evening when his door key accidentally flew over fence and landed in an empty bowl. But this was no ordinary bowl -it belonged to Luther, the neighbour’s ever grumpy and angry muscle ripped hound.

Just as the hapless man was about to lean over the fence to scoop out his keys, his eyes met with something. There were two glistening beady eyes peering over a notice he had always ignored.

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH? JUMP THIS FENCE AND FIND OUT!!

More so the athletic canine seemed to have broken his leash!

 

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lexus-lfa-1Tokyo – A man has sued his pastor after realizing that actually life has become worse after saying the sinner’s prayer. Zhang who has been attending a new church in town for the last eight months was promised a better life. However his excitement has been short lived.

“I was told God has a wonderful plan for my life and if I said a simple prayer things would get better. I repeated the words after the pastor and then I went back home. My friends left me, my fellow gang bangers have abandoned me. Surely ….” sighed the irate man.

The church located in the center of one of the most metropolitan areas of the city, has a giant neon billboard that proclaims ‘Come to Jesus and have your debts cancelled, Job promotions, success in life and a happy family life’.

“I thought by now I would be driving a Lexus like the pastor but up to now I am still  walking on foot. My friends even call me Footsy-bishi!” lamented Zhang.

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