Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

CHARM CITY – A young man attending an inner city church service on Sunday for the first time was thrown into a panic attack when he inadvertently sat in the front row. There was a loud bang as laser lights flashed and zigzagged across the faces of the audience.  An eerie blue smoke screen wafted across the floor from under the front row seats to reveal a dozen shadowy figures crawling and somersaulting in from behind the side doors…

“Uh, are we under attack? Is that a SWAT team or NAVY SEAL team?” exclaimed the petrified teenager to his neighbour.

“No, dude where have you been? That is our contemporary praise band just warming us up for worship!”

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CHARM CITY- A church had to make a drastic decision this week and let go of it’s worship leader after realising a shift in his selection of Sunday service hymns.

“It was just unacceptable! Can you believe there was no danceable song?” exclaimed the lead pastor. “Most of the young people were wondering where our usual entertainment crew had gone. I just had to draw a line under this gaffe.”

The culprit seems to have been a young man called Jeremy.

When approached by The Floating Axehead Jeremy was rather surprised with the decision.

“The previous week we had a worship song that said ‘Let’s go’ seventeen times and at the end of the chorus I just had to shout ‘Glory!’ This week I thought I would bring in a few reverential traditional hymns,” explained the lad.

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CHARM CITY, New Old York – An inner city church found itself at a stand still when it’s worship leader went on a sit down strike. The congregation that relies heavily on laser lights, smoke screens and high octane music could not start the Sunday service as no one in the congregation knew any alternative hymns.

“I kind of usually rely on the worship leader to put us in the mood. Every one was ready this morning. I had just picked up my Starbucks coffee from the lounge and was coming to get seated when my music producer spoke in my ear piece and said there will be no show,” said Tim Higgins the distraught pastor of the congregation.

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LOS ANGELES, California – A song that has made it to the top of Contemporary Christian Music charts has suddenly been dropped after the main soloist announced that it wasn’t a worship song.

D.J Trickstar the composer and singer of the song ‘I give my heart to you’ received nominations for best Gospel artist, Worship Song of the year and Inspirational Song of the year awards.

“Well I am not even a Christian. I am surprised my song has received such diverse support. I am just a simple Bhuddist who loves his girl friend so I wrote this song for her,” explained the popular D.J.

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thenodIf you plan to go as a missionary you must get this nod!

Ah now I get it….and I am loving it!

 

I am moving on!!!

Posted: April 29, 2015 in Music, Satire
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Once in a while a tantrum gets on your nerves. But some times a feisty out burst especially from a five year old just makes you laugh… One day she will be a choir leader and threaten to walk off on Sunday morning just before service or maybe the day after…

Every worship leader needs an orthopaedic doctor, a personal trainer, a psychologist, personal assistant, a guy to hand him a water bottle on stage and … a crowd to watch him do his thing!

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