Archive for the ‘Christianity’ Category

churchesCOPENHAGEN – An English speaking congregation rejected it’s long awaited pastor just because of his name. The congregation which had been praying for a pastor for the last two years made the rather interesting decision after a cheeky church member noted the rather interesting coincidence.

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DJIBOUTI – A popular comedian who won the city’s biggest talent search competition has been lined up to become pastor of one of the largest churches in town.

Kazinda who was given different topics to talk about had every one in stitches. Even camera men were doubled over in laughter as he took no prisoners.

“I have got a decision to make seeing that I have three big churches who want me to be their pastor,” said a jovial Kazinda. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Which ever church pays more will have me in their pulpit by Sunday.”

A weasel at weaving words and smooth with poetry the young man charmed his audience when given a microphone.

“I hope he comes to our church!” said an excited deacon.

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beach-mansionsFLORIDA – A rift has developed in a church after a prosperity pastor preached a radical message that ended up backfiring on him. The motivational speaker who believes that people can name and claim their blessings was irked when a church member was found marching round his mansion praying over it and “claiming it in the name of Jesus”.

“Surely I felt God was telling me that this is my mansion. It has my destiny written on it!” explained the church member when security was called.

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Batusangkar, Indonesia: A jockey spurs cows as they race in muddy rice fielCHARM CITY – A church member who missed paying his tithe for the first time in five years was disciplined by his pastor by asking him to ride two bulls through a ten mile stretch on the banks of local river. The incident occurred last month when Pocoyo’s only five year old daughter fell sick and the fisherman had to use his meager earnings to cover health expenses.

“I have to pay for my sins,” said Pocoyo. “I was told I had robbed God of his money and didn’t have enough faith. That’s why all these things are happening to me. But I hope after riding those bulls through the river I will have atoned for my sins.”

Unfortunately it was reported that the senior pastor had not witnessed Pocoyo’s endurance race the first time and he will have to ride the two bulls again this weekend. The pious man is still keen to make amends and to “increase his faith” has in fact paid up his tithe for the next month in advance.

A Free Syrian Army fighter in AleppoCHARM CITY, Texas – This Sunday was rather unusual in a mega church that is known to attract celebrities and high flying personalities. The pastor of the church decided to invite an old school friend whom he hadn’t seen for a while to preach in his pulpit.

“I didn’t know the guy was a Calvinist. I swear I would not have invited him if I knew this would happen!” lamented the pastor.

Apparently the visiting pastor began to preach on man’s total depravity and on “sin and unrighteousness”, he even asked the congregation to repent so as to flee the wrath to come. The sermon however did not go down well with the usually fun loving laid back congregation. A section of the congregation stood up and in one accord revolted against the visitor.

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dogs-and-theologyCHARM CITY Sheffield – A man who has always denied the existence of God and the after life suddenly realised his folly on Wednesday evening when his door key accidentally flew over fence and landed in an empty bowl. But this was no ordinary bowl -it belonged to Luther, the neighbour’s ever grumpy and angry muscle ripped hound.

Just as the hapless man was about to lean over the fence to scoop out his keys, his eyes met with something. There were two glistening beady eyes peering over a notice he had always ignored.

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH? JUMP THIS FENCE AND FIND OUT!!

More so the athletic canine seemed to have broken his leash!

 

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iron-manCHARM CITY GUANTANAMO – A set of customized Iron man like suits have been issued for sale to Christians in persecuted countries. Another bunch has been commissioned to be used by missionaries.

This has come against a tide of recent onslaught of bitter persecution to Christians especially in Western Africa, Middle East and Korean peninsula. The gifts were received with much appreciation.

“Now we are completely protected. I tried on a suit and walked into a barrage of bullets and didn’t even flinch,” reported an excited pastor whose church building was burned down the week before. “Surely, now I know I can put my faith in the arm of flesh! In fact it’s so safe that I already stopped praying to God to protect us after getting my kit!”

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