Archive for the ‘Pastors gone wild’ Category

In a bid to bring all robbers and non tithers to toe the line a certain congregation got it right between the eyes from their pastor. He built a special board of shame…1601496_344625509009679_339240622_n

I wish this was fiction! Another case of pastors gone wild!

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photo CHARM CITY, East – This Sunday a few church members entered into their church premise with raised eye brows as they saw a new FORMULA ONE car parked in the church car park.

They soon got an answer when the church service started and their pastor gave them the simple explanation they were all waiting for.

“God told me that he wants me to be rich. He wanted me to start by making  positive confessions,” said the man of God. “So, since I have always liked high powered racing cars that I see on television so I ran and laid my hands on this Formula one car and claimed it. Uh, I intend to use it for the ministry of course .”

“I didn’t have the money to place a deposit but I didn’t have to worry – God told me to quickly sell the church organ.

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sarcastic look

That look…

Yup, I am practicing a look. You see it comes to that time every so often when Wrestlemania, World Cup or Super Bowl comes around on a Sunday and some pastors are torn between the glamour and allure of “Sportendom” and well… God. Needless to say these are very trying times for many half committed hirelings. Seriously! Saturday night comes and they are in major panic mode and cruising to hash tag system overload. Do they call people to worship the next day or do they look for a loop hole and use a politically correct or socially acceptable term and cancel church service all together?

Indeed the excuses over the years have been many ranging from we want to be “moving with the times”, “be more relevant”.  Of course if you have a mega church with half committed folk you wouldn’t want to upset some of those Wrestlemania fans who feel it’s actually a lot better being some where else on the Lord’s day or the football lovers who never walk with a Bible to church but feel they have a sense of spiritual urgency to kick back. So, many indeed were the first to ask a few years back – that what’s wrong when…..

“We’re moving service times for the Big Game,” reads a bold message on the NewSpring Church website.

“We know the game is important so we’re moving the service times to better fit your schedule,” says the megachurch,

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Newalk,JY -After a seven year search the city’s largest mega church has finally got the one ultimate usher that they have been looking for. Crowd control is no longer going to be an issue -needless to say from now on, unruly congregants who run out of synche to get autographs from celebrity pastors will be in for a big shock…and a super kick to boot 🙂

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church wifiNewyark, MS – A church has seen its numbers rocket through the roof after installing 24 hours free super fast wifi.

Speaking to reporters the pastor said he hadn’t anticipated such a surge in numbers.

“We were targeting young people so we decided to use free wifi to draw them out of their houses. We have 24 hours wifi with super fast internet access. We promise them that they can surf during the service and in the church premises at any time of the week.”

Since the free wifi was launched the church has had to start renting the whole street block. Plans are underway to set up a mega church facility able to house 20,000 people with pets facilities, games complex and holiday resort.

“We initially took over the nearby cafe and restaurant, but now we plan to extend this franchise around the country. With time we may just stop calling ourselves a church and just be a social club with good intentions for a greener earth.”

Well why not?

Just watch this space.

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bunnyMissacosta, WS – The pastor of a very popular church says he is considering tendering in his resignation if members  don’t send in enough tweets to answer the biggest dilemma of his career. This has now led to a stand off.

While preparing for this year’s Easter celebrations pastor Donogood reports, ” This year I want to take things to another level. I realise we now have large congregation and I want to keep every one happy and entertained – so I want to dress up as a bunny this Easter.”

“But my biggest dilemma is just I can’t decide whether to be dressed as a fuzzy bunny or a nifty hare. So I have had to turn to twitter and must get a vote count by Easter morning or I will resign.”

The tweets are already coming in – but there seem to be mixed feelings.

“Hey a fuzzy Easter bunny hopping up and down the aisle could touch a heart especially when the gospel fails,” said one tweet.

…Read More!

Brady-compressedApparently everything the Pope touches gets you closer to God and notches points for you in heaven. Even his saliva. Well following the pontiff’s trip to America here comes a bizarre story

WASHINGTON — A Pennsylvania Congressman is raising eyebrows after he snatched the half-full water glass of the Roman Catholic pontiff known as Francis following his speech before Congress, and then sipped from it out of his belief that the water was now “blessed” because the pope touched it.

“Anything the pope touches becomes blessed,” Pennsylvania Rep. Bob Brady (D-Philadelphia) told The Washington Post. “I think so and no one is going to change my mind.”

According to reports, after the pontiff left the Congressional chamber following the conclusion of his speech on Thursday, Brady walked to the lectern and took Francis’ glass, which he noted had been drank from three times during his address to Congress.

Brady then carried the glass back to his office, where he took a sip from it. He then offered a drink to his wife Deborah and two staffers, who also took photos of the occasion.

That’s not all …. (more…)