Archive for the ‘News’ Category

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CHARM CITY, Durban – Today it was  falsely rumored that paleontologists may have finally found ‘the missing link’. The ever elusive “missing link” is said to be the gap in the fossil record purported to be from a transitional life form between any animal and its supposed evolutionary ancestor.

“Have we finally found any missing link? Have we?” asked the initially excited and curious news anchor.

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HAMBURG, Germany – A secluded and gated community was rudely awakened this Saturday as a group of Jehovah’s Witnesses made a surprise visit. Well not to be deterred by the high gates and barbed wire fences the visitors armed with Watch Tower magazines took to the air and literally rained down.

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CANBERRA, Australia – Life Valley church was treated to a message from a different text last Sunday but no one noticed. Wayne Riggs the pastor of the local church apologised in the mid week meeting explaining that he had accidentally misplaced his Bible on the local bus and picked up another commuter’s book thought to be a Quran.

Not realising the difference since the two books looked alike while he was running late he had hastily proceeded to church and even preached a rather lengthy sermon. The gaffe was only realised when Pastor Riggs’ teenage daughter was tiding up the next day and saw a book with a strange name on it.

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20130910-182115.jpgNASHVILLE , Tennessee – Pastor Osteen has made an announcement that has shocked his congregation. Pinning up an impromptu notice amidst tears he explained that he has realised how prosperity gospel has wrecked many souls and confessed that it is not even the gospel. He further explained that he was going to focus more on repentance beginning this week. This news is indeed likely to have epic ramifications.

The man of God was seen preparing for a mid week Bible study with a real Bible tucked under his arm and a couple of Bible commentaries in Greek and Hebrew. Close friends say he has recently been reading old classics by the Puritans and has been spending nights awake scouring over Reformation History.

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i shrunk the pope CHARM CITY, Central – In his first visit to the city something happened to the Pope as the plane flew over Bermuda Triangle. The Vatican is tight lipped about the strange phenomenon however from photos leaked to a few unreliable online outlets Catholics may soon be asking, where did the mass go?

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CHARM CITY, Los Bronchos – A man who has recently amassed a rather large group of followers has come to admit that his recent trip to ‘heaven’ may have been made up and he was economical with the truth.

“Yeah, I thought I had a vision but it’s all fuzzy now,” said Raul, a smooth talking middle aged man. ” I went to this taco restaurant and ate this huge burrito with chilli and started seeing things!”

“I saw myself being sucked out of the room as I slumped back in the chair in a Mexican restaurant. I woke up standing next to a blonde haired angel who then introduced me to a muscle ripped man who said he was Abraham. Wow! He had a six pack!”

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soccerSAO PAULO, Brazil – A Brazilian soccer player returning from Scotland after spending over ten years away from his church was irked to receive an letter from his local church demanding he pays up his tithes. Well not only his tithe for the month but back dated ones for the last ten years! Keffa Dolarinho is a member of the Universal Church of the Apostles of God that discovered a little known verse in the New Testament that commands Christians to obey God by tithing (and back dated tithing).

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