Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

Batusangkar, Indonesia: A jockey spurs cows as they race in muddy rice fielCHARM CITY – A church member who missed paying his tithe for the first time in five years was disciplined by his pastor by asking him to ride two bulls through a ten mile stretch on the banks of local river. The incident occurred last month when Pocoyo’s only five year old daughter fell sick and the fisherman had to use his meager earnings to cover health expenses.

“I have to pay for my sins,” said Pocoyo. “I was told I had robbed God of his money and didn’t have enough faith. That’s why all these things are happening to me. But I hope after riding those bulls through the river I will have atoned for my sins.”

Unfortunately it was reported that the senior pastor had not witnessed Pocoyo’s endurance race the first time and he will have to ride the two bulls again this weekend. The pious man is still keen to make amends and to “increase his faith” has in fact paid up his tithe for the next month in advance.

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DJIBOUTI – A popular comedian who won the city’s biggest talent search competition has been lined up to become pastor of one of the largest churches in town.

Kazinda who was given different topics to talk about had every one in stitches. Even camera men were doubled over in laughter as he took no prisoners.

“I have got a decision to make seeing that I have three big churches who want me to be their pastor,” said a jovial Kazinda. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Which ever church pays more will have me in their pulpit by Sunday.”

A weasel at weaving words and smooth with poetry the young man charmed his audience when given a microphone.

“I hope he comes to our church!” said an excited deacon.

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anointedLAIGOS – A youth pastor who has always hunted for the anointing finally managed to find it after attending a break dance audition show. In typical fashion the youth took his photo and tweeted it out to mark the momentous occasion.

In other news…

news caster

CHARM CITY, Durban – Today it was  falsely rumored that paleontologists may have finally found ‘the missing link’. The ever elusive “missing link” is said to be the gap in the fossil record purported to be from a transitional life form between any animal and its supposed evolutionary ancestor.

“Have we finally found any missing link? Have we?” asked the initially excited and curious news anchor.

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LA- Churchville: Do you have habitual late comers in your church? Yup, I knew you would be curious to read this far.

A village church is said to have improved it’s early attendance by 200% and has actually maintained it for over seven years in a row after introducing a unique one day challenge for serial late comers.

“I’ve never been late! Ever since 1962-the year the good Lord let a man walk on the moon -that was when I was sent for the early rising pioneer training,” said Mr Barebones who used to be a habitual late riser and was the first trainee.

It’s said the training routine could be exported to churches in New York, London and beyond (plus even Moscow) after the success stories of this little known ingenious training course.

Watch out -it could be coming to a place near you!

Or could it?

churchesCOPENHAGEN – An English speaking congregation rejected it’s long awaited pastor just because of his name. The congregation which had been praying for a pastor for the last two years made the rather interesting decision after a cheeky church member noted the rather interesting coincidence.

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beach-mansionsFLORIDA – A rift has developed in a church after a prosperity pastor preached a radical message that ended up backfiring on him. The motivational speaker who believes that people can name and claim their blessings was irked when a church member was found marching round his mansion praying over it and “claiming it in the name of Jesus”.

“Surely I felt God was telling me that this is my mansion. It has my destiny written on it!” explained the church member when security was called.

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