Posts Tagged ‘Prosperity gospel’

beach-mansionsFLORIDA – A rift has developed in a church after a prosperity pastor preached a radical message that ended up backfiring on him. The motivational speaker who believes that people can name and claim their blessings was irked when a church member was found marching round his mansion praying over it and “claiming it in the name of Jesus”.

“Surely I felt God was telling me that this is my mansion. It has my destiny written on it!” explained the church member when security was called.

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20130910-182115.jpgNASHVILLE , Tennessee – Pastor Osteen has made an announcement that has shocked his congregation. Pinning up an impromptu notice amidst tears he explained that he has realised how prosperity gospel has wrecked many souls and confessed that it is not even the gospel. He further explained that he was going to focus more on repentance beginning this week. This news is indeed likely to have epic ramifications.

The man of God was seen preparing for a mid week Bible study with a real Bible tucked under his arm and a couple of Bible commentaries in Greek and Hebrew. Close friends say he has recently been reading old classics by the Puritans and has been spending nights awake scouring over Reformation History.

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photo CHARM CITY, East – This Sunday a few church members entered into their church premise with raised eye brows as they saw a new FORMULA ONE car parked in the church car park.

They soon got an answer when the church service started and their pastor gave them the simple explanation they were all waiting for.

“God told me that he wants me to be rich. He wanted me to start by making  positive confessions,” said the man of God. “So, since I have always liked high powered racing cars that I see on television so I ran and laid my hands on this Formula one car and claimed it. Uh, I intend to use it for the ministry of course .”

“I didn’t have the money to place a deposit but I didn’t have to worry – God told me to quickly sell the church organ.

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CITY, Middle West – A suave prosperity preacher was driven out of town by an irate crowd recently. The crowd got restless when they realised his message was different from what the Bible says.

The crowd in the market place started shouting, “give us the true gospel!”

To which the preacher relied, “I have another gospel. I don’t preach Jesus or the cross any more. But my message will make you feel good about yourself. You will make more money and have your best life now!”

The crowd begged him, ” please tell us about the gospel only!”

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Two prosperity preachers walk into a church; but meet up afterwards….

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prosperity gospel

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MOSCOW, Russia – A pastor in Russia known for his popular prosperity gospel messages has been announced as the winner of last month’s $790 million lottery roll over. The lottery run by a local Casino is one of the highest paying lotteries in Europe.

“I have always dreamt of winning the grand prize but didn’t think it would come this soon,” explained Pastor Alexei from Kaliningrad Oblast . “Last week after church I went into the casino and asked God to help me as I placed my bets. I could feel a special million dollar anointing on me!” …Read more!