Posts Tagged ‘church’

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DJIBOUTI – A popular comedian who won the city’s biggest talent search competition has been lined up to become pastor of one of the largest churches in town.

Kazinda who was given different topics to talk about had every one in stitches. Even camera men were doubled over in laughter as he took no prisoners.

“I have got a decision to make seeing that I have three big churches who want me to be their pastor,” said a jovial Kazinda. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Which ever church pays more will have me in their pulpit by Sunday.”

A weasel at weaving words and smooth with poetry the young man charmed his audience when given a microphone.

“I hope he comes to our church!” said an excited deacon.

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mixing in churchCHARM CITY – After three difficult days of intense debate and theological martial arts the new  ‘Church for the Unchurched’ has finally settled its first conundrum by having to let go of their founder and pastor.

A statement was released through twitter to great applause and re tweets (not to mention multiple hash tags) by the deacons of the predominantly fun loving congregation. Apparently the recent debate came about because the cost of running and amplifying the heavy duty hi-fi turbo bass equipment came to around the same cost as maintaining a pastor.

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LIVERPOOL, England – The members of Laodicea Baptist Church were treated to an extra ordinary church service this week. Some had come expecting to hear the word of God preached as is always done on Sundays but it was not to be. The new pastor said it had been a week of great happenings and called on young people to come forward to give testimonies.

Six hours later there was still a long queue. Bleary eyed young men were walking forward to testify of having managed to get a copy of the latest addictive video game – Grand Theft Auto!

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IMG_4843.PNGCENTRAL, City – A local congregation decided to cancel Sunday worship service so as to take bucket loads of iced water and drench them selves in a challenge said to be a spin off of a popular social fad.

“We decided to cancel worship this weekend,” said the Senior pastor, “just to join in a fad where you pour some cold water on yourself to avoid making a charitable donation. Yeah, sounds weird but we kind of liked the irony.”

“Those who avoided the challenge will be publicly forced to make donations,” added the man of God.

“I know the Bible kinda says we should not blow our own trumpets when making charitable donations but I think the kind of publicity that this drive will generate will justify the means.”

The popular church may choose to resume regular worship services next weekend…if no other popular fad interrupts their schedule.

IMG_4836.JPGNorthern, City- A popular ballerina group that is said to be a brain child of a local church has announced a major break through in evangelism.

Explaining the ground breaking event was Tom one of the male ballerinas.

“We intend to spread this out to more churches. Some times people just don’t like being preached to but a little dance can warm the heart when the preaching of the gospel fails. I believe if the apostles had thought of getting tutus and doing ballerina dances they would have been more popular!”

“Well, we just wanted to be able to dance the gospel so we got this rhythm and got massive applauses even from atheists – they just completely got it!”

So then, this Sunday how else will the heathen know the gospel if no one dances for them? How will they understand if no one dons tutus? …Read More!

espresso tapCity Central – A popular urban church decided to install luxurious taps on their pews that dispense smoothies, fizzy drinks, espresso coffee or ice cream. This came after a desperate summer where the attendances had hit rock bottom.

Speaking last Sunday after the first installments an excited and beaming pastor gladly announced:

“Yes, finally we are now in business. Today we were filled to capacity! Even the pastor’s seat was taken up by somebody as soon as he went to the pulpit to make an announcement!”

“This is truly an innovative idea. Why should the people come to church and just sit and listen to a sermon? One can do other things in the pew like enjoy their favorite soft drink. We are here to please the congregation so why not?” …Read More!

CHARM CITY, Southern – A pastor in the city decided to recruit  a Marine and Navy SEALs instructor to work on the oldest habit in his congregation -late coming. Needless to say the Sunday cheer was short lived for a big section of the congregation when they turned up late as usual and were ushered into a room with a burly angry looking drill instructor waiting. The habitual late comers were made to sign on for an extreme boot camp course. A secret memo leaked on line shows the late comers will be taught how to wake up before cockcrow, tie shoe laces with one hand while making breakfast with the other and how to jog to church faster than your shadow through rain, tornadoes, hailstones and fire. Good times ahead indeed…. good times!

This video clip is said to show what the late comers may or may not be grappling with soon… …Read More!