Man sues pastor for promising ‘life will be better’ after saying sinner’s prayer

Posted: February 21, 2017 in Christianity, Satire
Tags: , , , , , ,

lexus-lfa-1Tokyo – A man has sued his pastor after realizing that actually life has become worse after saying the sinner’s prayer. Zhang who has been attending a new church in town for the last eight months was promised a better life. However his excitement has been short lived.

“I was told God has a wonderful plan for my life and if I said a simple prayer things would get better. I repeated the words after the pastor and then I went back home. My friends left me, my fellow gang bangers have abandoned me. Surely ….” sighed the irate man.

The church located in the center of one of the most metropolitan areas of the city, has a giant neon billboard that proclaims ‘Come to Jesus and have your debts cancelled, Job promotions, success in life and a happy family life’.

“I thought by now I would be driving a Lexus like the pastor but up to now I am still  walking on foot. My friends even call me Footsy-bishi!” lamented Zhang.

When asked if he knew why Jesus died on the cross and what hope he has for the life to come, Zhang was surprised.

“I didn’t come to Jesus to know why he died on a cross. All I want is stuff!  I want money and a good life! I am not interested in what the Bible says about sin or the cross. In fact I read the Bible and all it has is people having trials and tribulations. I couldn’t find the verse on Jesus wanting me to have what the pastor promised. That is why I want to sue the pastor- been there and done that. All I have are broken promises.”

The pastor was available later when The Floating Axehead turned up. His answer to Zhang was an “easy one” – he suggested maybe Zhang is not doing enough but he should try to sow more money into his ministry and maybe that would bring a hundred fold break through.

“Ha! Ha! My breakthrough will come when I see you in court!” sang Zhang.

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