Church buys drone to search for ‘church dodgers’

Posted: February 18, 2017 in Christianity, Satire
Tags: , , , , ,

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TEXAS- A mega church has turned the tables on church dodgers in a move that is going to raise a few eyebrows. The popular church has purchased a state of the art next generation drone. The computer controlled drone is said to be equipped with facial recognition soft ware and GPS grid mapping with an accuracy up to two inches.

“Umm, we prefer to be called a purpose driven church! You see we just realised that as a mega church we were having many people coming on Sundays but we had no way of differentiating between visitors and members,” explained Thomas Copelin the lead pastor.

“We move with the times but realised we couldn’t follow up all our attenders. That’s a thing of the past now as we are in the process of incorporating a software that will fine church dodgers automatically if the drone maps them out of the church premises on Sundays,” added the innovative pastor, “this initiative may be controversial but it will definitely keep our numbers up.”

The ‘church drone’ has been received with some scepticism by some church attenders who swear they were only visitors but were “accidentally” fined three weeks later when they missed church. On the other hand many pastors are lining up to enquire if they can rent the unmanned aerial vehicle.

“I think this is a good idea,” enthused another smiling pastor,”I can now use a drone to see what other churches are doing. If they have more exciting programs, then I can copy their services and help my church grow!”

The Floating Axehead believes church growth wars have left behind traditional churches that focus on faithfully preaching the gospel and doing bible study. If they don’t change their methods and become pragmatic like the rest they will soon be a rarity. Oh, aren’t they already?

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