To stave off decline urban church to give out free marijuana

Posted: November 4, 2013 in Satire
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rock churchCHARM CITY, CHURCHVILLE – Just when you thought main stream congregations were dwindling, a young pastor and his assistant have come up with an innovative way of tweaking up the numbers. Talking to reporters yesterday, Pastor Drat announced the new scheme amidst hoops and cheers from a packed church lounge.

“We started by giving out free beer on Sundays but after a while just thought that having beer parties would not keep the numbers up. We then sat down and decided we will give people whatever they want and now we are just overwhelmed!” announced the excited pastor as he gave out roll ups of marijuana.

“The doors were bursting and heaving by 5 a.m last Sunday. We even had to reinforce the windows. These guys just want to come to church every day now.”

Martha who happens to be the “assistant pastrix” as she prefers to be called was nursing a headache as she explained:

“We are still trialling this new venture but we would like to branch out in every town quite soon,” said Martha as she blew a thick cloud out of a dubious gadget and stumbled over a bible on the floor. “Our methods are aimed at being the most pragmatic and cutting edge in getting as many people through those doors whether by hook or crook.”

This Saturday there will be an open debate as to what else the urban church should give out next to attract more patrons.

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