Prosperity preacher wins $790 million lottery

Posted: September 20, 2013 in Christianity, Satire
Tags: , ,

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MOSCOW, Russia – A pastor in Russia known for his popular prosperity gospel messages has been announced as the winner of last month’s $790 million lottery roll over. The lottery run by a local Casino is one of the highest paying lotteries in Europe.

“I have always dreamt of winning the grand prize but didn’t think it would come this soon,” explained Pastor Alexei from Kaliningrad Oblast . “Last week after church I went into the casino and asked God to help me as I placed my bets. I could feel a special million dollar anointing on me!”

Some conservative churches were in uproar. The thought of a ‘man of God’ dabbling in gambling and lottery is thought to be an oxymoron. A caller on one Christian talkshow lamented how the pursuit of quick wealth is a dangerous path for Christians and one which God warns about saying “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs”.

“Good grief! I think these people are just haters! God wants us to be rich,” countered the man of God, “Look at me! If God didn’t want me to be rich why would he allow me to win? In fact I want to win the next $995 million roll over!”

When The Floating Axehead tried to contact Pastor Alexei at his church a personal security guard was sent with a slip of paper to kindly inform us that we were on private property. The slip had a warning that God had personally issued to any one trying to bring Alexei into any form accountability doctrinally or otherwise. It read – “Touch not my anointed”.

 

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